Road Bumps

Did we learn that things don't always happen in our time, but in God's timing? Maybe a little. Everyone around me was getting pregnant and having babies. Why couldn't I? If anyone knows me, they know that I am pretty organized and OCD.
 
I like things in a calendar.
I like things to happen as planned.
I am not good with change.
I like to organization.
The list goes on... you get the point.
 
So accepting this fact, was not by any means easy.
 
After only a few months we decided to give it another shot. We once again started trying for a couple months before deciding to try a different doctor that was a little more proactive at finding the problem. Our first appointment with our new doctor was in December 2012. I was around cycle day 14. For those of you who don't really know what that means, I was right around ovulation. We went into the doctor's office with high hopes, soon to find out something that would change our lives forever.  After going over all the spreadsheets I had brought in with all my cycles from the last year and a half, the length of them, and when I had gotten a positive surge on my ovulation strips (yes, I told you I am a little OCD), she took me straight into the ultrasound room to see what was going on. After looking at my ovaries, the words I will never forget, "Well, you aren't going to ovulate this month. The reason you're not ovulating on your own is because you have what is called PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome)." What?? All I could do was cry. I was absolutely devastated. I wasted over a year of my life, thinking that I was ovulating, come to find out I more than likely never did.  Did I get an answer? Yes. Was it what I wanted to hear? Absolutely not. Could I overcome this? Yes, in time.
 
PCOS is basically a hormonal imbalance that can cause problems with your cycles and make it difficult to get pregnant. You basically don't ovulate on your own. As my doctor put it, "all your follicles are fighting over which one is going to take charge and grow to maturity for ovulation, but none of them actually do." She talked with us a little bit about PCOS and what steps we could take in trying for this baby we longed for. I left the doctor feeling broken. Yes, I was a little relived that I finally had an answer and knowing I could get pregnant, but I would just need some help. As soon as I got in the car I called my two best friends, my mom and my dad. I explained to them what was going on and decided to face reality head first.
 
My next cycle came and my doctor put me on Femara to help me ovulate. Almost two weeks after taking the meds I went in for an ultrasound. IT WAS WORKING!! I had a follicle that was growing!! Once again, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Did everything work that month? No. I wouldn't still be writing this blog if it had :)  February comes along and my doctor had me do an HSG test.  Long story short, this is an x-ray that checks your uterus and fallopian tubes to make sure everything is normal. WORST experience in my life!! But the good news is everything was normal. Finally a test that worked in my favor! ( I will NEVER do that again!!)
 
February and March I took Femara again, upping my dosage each time. I also started taking Progesterone a week after ovulation to make sure I was producing enough, otherwise I would miscarry. February was also when we started doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination), because during all of this we found out that Brandon's sperm count was low in certain areas. Just another obstacle in our way. The Femara helped my follicles grow, but I wasn't getting pregnant. April came around and we decided to try a different medicine, Clomid. It worked faster for me than Femara did, but I still wasn't getting pregnant. This month I also started going to acupuncture. Those of you who know me, know that I am TERRIFIED of needles! My anxiety and blood pressure go through the roof. After my first experience, it was actually refreshing and relaxing.  I was relieved... other than the fact that it is $75 a session and I usually go once a week, and usually twice a week for one of the weeks. On a good month, that is $375 a month!! She said it would take 3-6 months before she thought it would help me to get pregnant. She gave me an herbal supplement to take and I was on my way.
 
"Pray for anything and if you have faith you will receive it" ---- Mathew 21:22
 
 

Not In Our Time...

Well after a long journey of over two years, I decided to write a blog to share our journey in having a baby. So many people ask constantly what's going on and how we are doing, not to mention it being therapeutic for me, so here it is....
 
I'll start off by telling you a little about me. The one thing I have always felt comfortable with and have ALWAYS wanted, was to be a mom. That's it! I love being a mom!  It is my most treasured job. My mom always said that I was changing diapers when I was still in diapers, and if there was ever a baby around I was sure to be right by them. It was just natural for me. I didn't play with Barbies, I HATED barbies... I wanted baby dolls! God knew what he was doing by putting Brandon and Kaiden in my life. At least I had Kaiden to fulfill my emptiness.
 
I'll go back in time and fill you in if you don't already know our story to this point. We knew once we were married, we didn't want to wait long to start adding to our family. Kaiden wasn't quite two when we were married, so we figured that would be a perfect age difference. Simple, right? WRONG!
Two months before we were married my doctor at the time told me to get off the pill to let me body regulate and get on track. Two months passed, we were married, and little did we know our journey in adding to our family was going to be a long, hard road. Our honeymoon came and went, our family trip to Hawaii came and went and after about 4-5 months of trying with no success, I scheduled a doctor's appointment. I know 'they' say that the average couple can take 6-7 months before conceiving, but I was stressing myself out about things that could be wrong with me, and worried about if I would ever be able to have children. Why me? Was I going to be able to give my husband another child? Was I going to be able to experience the one thing I've always wanted? What is wrong with me? I put on a strong face, but deep down I was crushed and worried I would never be able to have kids. My doctor told me if I was having a regular cycle, then I was ovulating, and to quit stressing and let it happen. Let me just say that's easier said than done. He told me to come back in a year if I still wasn't pregnant and he would run some tests. We left feeling a little relieved that I was having normal cycles, and just needed to give ourselves some time.
 
A year came and went, and still no baby. I decided to go back to school, and we decided to give ourselves a break. God had other plans for us, and we just had to learn to accept that. There wasn't a night that passed that we didn't pray and hope that our wish would come true, but we had to learn that things don't always happen in our time... It's all in God's timing.