What an eventful and stressful last couple of weeks it has been! Last I posted, I told you about meeting with Dr. Le and discussing our options. Leaving the doctors office I was relieved and confused at the same time. Days went by and it was really getting to me... what should I do? Should I spend the money and go forward with the scope? Should I give IVF a try? I was at a loss and at one point all I could do was cry. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would lead me in the path to make the right decision, or the decision I would be happy with in the long run and that HE helps me find comfort in the decision we decided to make. I talked to Brandon about it daily, I talked to my mom about what I should do, I talked to my dad, and I talked to my best friends about what to do.
At first I was pretty set on doing the scope. It seemed to make the most sense because I would get an answer, yes we found the problem or no, everything looked fine. The thing is, if I do the scope and it turns out that they don't find anything, I just spent thousands of dollars on a surgery for them to say, "well, you're next step is IVF" and all the money I just spent on the scope could have been used to put toward IVF. Again, I prayed about it hundreds of times a day. I woke up one morning and my decision seemed to be clear. After talking everything over with Brandon, we decided together that after 2 1/2 years of trying and everything we've tried from then until now, that IVF was our best bet. The decision was made clear, we were both comfortable with our decision, and feel excited and eager for the journey. I scheduled an IVF consultation for yesterday. We wanted to weigh our options, see how the exact process works, and get some questions answered by Dr. Le before finalizing our decision. Brandon couldn't go due to work, so my mom took off and went with me so I would have someone there to support me and be an extra set of ears.
I was an absolute wreck! My nerves were through the roof, my stomach was in knots, my whole body was shaking, I'm sure my blood pressure was through the roof, and I warned my mom walking in that I would probably start crying while talking with Dr. Le so just to be ready. I know, we were just there for a consultation and to get more information about it, but to me this was a BIG deal. This decision could change our lives forever.
When we were called back to visit with Dr. Le, we discussed the success rates, the cost of the IVF process and medications, how exactly the procedure works, and the timeline for it all. Of course when discussing the success rate and how it's not a guarantee that this will work, I start crying. Big surprise, I know! I have to just keep my faith that it will work and pray about it constantly. With IVF, I have a 60% chance of getting pregnant, a 40% chance of twins, and only a 3% chance of triplets. He said in the last several years, there have been zero triplets (as he knocked on wood), so we should be safe there. I guess there is always that small chance, but it's a chance we will have to take. I cannot workout very much at all. I have 2-3 days a week I can do light lifting and/or walk. NO running because running can twist the ovaries. This I did not know! He said when I started my next cycle, and if we wanted to proceed with IVF, to come in and have a baseline sonogram done on cycle days 2-4. I informed him that Brandon and I have already been discussing our options before then, and had pretty much had our minds made up that this was the right decision for us. It just so happened that I was on my cycle day 4, so after calling Brandon to confirm that this was what we wanted to do, we went ahead and did our baseline sonogram yesterday.
What this means is I go back in next Wednesday for a trial transfer. They will measure my uterus and prepare for the actual egg retrieval that will happen about 3-4 weeks later. He started me on birth control pills for the next 10-14 days to rest my ovaries before I start all the medicine. While taking the medicine, I will go in for 4-6 sonograms to monitor the progress of the follicles. After about 10-12 days of medicine, I will go back in for the egg retrieval. They will take the sperm sample and the eggs and grow them for 5 days, then I will go back in for the embryo transfer. This is where all the extra prayers come in.... we will wait about 10 days before I go back in for a blood test to see if it all worked.
You may not agree with our decision to move forward with IVF, and that's your opinion. Until you have personally experienced everything we have experienced in the past 2 1/2 years, I don't really consider your opinion to be valid so keep it to yourself :). No, we haven't had anyone specific give their negative opinion, I just don't care to hear it if you do. To those of you who support us and pray for us on a daily basis, we truly appreciate it! This has been the hardest and most stressful journey I have ever been on. People take for granted being able to get pregnant on a daily basis. Be thankful for what you have and the blessings you have in your life.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.- Proverbs 3:5-6
Friday, September 27, 2013
Thursday, September 12, 2013
two steps forward, one step back
Well, as you know we had our appointment with the fertility specialist on Tuesday. We were given good news, and not so good news. Overall, very relieving. We started in Dr. Le's office discussing my history, what treatment we have used the past 8 months, looking at pictures of possible problems like endometriosis, and different paths we could take next.
I explained to him that my last Dr. diagnosed me with PCOS (polycycstic ovary syndrome). I also told him about my results for my AMH (anti-mullerian hormone) levels that she had informed me were a .4. I then told him where I read that if you have PCOS, your levels are high not low. Something just didn't add up. He then explained that if I had PCOS, my AMH levels would be high not low and when on to explain why. To top it all off, my previous Dr had explained that this number represented egg quality, which wasn't the case once again. AMH levels are egg QUANTITY. Quality of eggs depends on your age. Taking all this information in, and looking at all the pictures of what might be causing our issue, of course I start crying. If you know me well, you know that I cry just thinking about crying.
Dr. Le then asked what stage of my cycle I was in, and I told him I was cycle day 14. For those of you that don't know much about the whole cycle, that is around when most people ovulate. Although I had basically given up on the fact of anything happening this month considering I hadn't taken any meds at all, I still had faith that maybe, just maybe we would finally hear good news. He was curious to see what my ovaries looked like after all the PCOS talk and hearing about my AMH levels so we went into the ultrasound room. I don't know if I was more anxious and nervous Monday night before the appointment, or sitting on the ultrasound table waiting to hear what he had to say. As soon as he started the ultrasound, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "well you definitely don't have PCOS." Shocked? Relieved? Surprised? ALL of the above! He showed me my right ovary on the screen and sure enough, no cysts. He counted 5 eggs on that side, then told us that I hadn't ovulated on that side but we would check the left ovary. He moved to the left ovary and sure enough, I HAD OVULATED!! That isn't a big deal to many people, but after thinking I had PCOS for the last 9 months and didn't ovulate on my own ever, the man just told me I indeed ovulated. And the tears started flowing, again.
Overall, he said I had about 8 eggs. Good, right? yes and no. He said someone my age (almost 29), should have about 10-12 + eggs each month. Considering I only had 8, he said that means my ovaries are about 5-10 years older than my actual age. Basically, that I am about a 34 year old trying to get pregnant. Again, if you know much about getting pregnant and age, 30 is typically when things start to get a little more difficult. He said that if my AMH levels were really a .4, then I wouldn't have 8 eggs, instead I would only have about 2-4 eggs. Again, another relief. He did say however, that this means I don't want to waste a lot of time. He gave us a few different options and left it in our hands. We can either:
Thank you to everyone who follows us on this journey, prays for us daily, and keeps us in your thoughts. If it weren't for my support system, my amazing husband, family, and friends, I don't know what I would do or how I would get through it all. I will keep my faith strong and continue to hope for this miracle.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1
I explained to him that my last Dr. diagnosed me with PCOS (polycycstic ovary syndrome). I also told him about my results for my AMH (anti-mullerian hormone) levels that she had informed me were a .4. I then told him where I read that if you have PCOS, your levels are high not low. Something just didn't add up. He then explained that if I had PCOS, my AMH levels would be high not low and when on to explain why. To top it all off, my previous Dr had explained that this number represented egg quality, which wasn't the case once again. AMH levels are egg QUANTITY. Quality of eggs depends on your age. Taking all this information in, and looking at all the pictures of what might be causing our issue, of course I start crying. If you know me well, you know that I cry just thinking about crying.
Dr. Le then asked what stage of my cycle I was in, and I told him I was cycle day 14. For those of you that don't know much about the whole cycle, that is around when most people ovulate. Although I had basically given up on the fact of anything happening this month considering I hadn't taken any meds at all, I still had faith that maybe, just maybe we would finally hear good news. He was curious to see what my ovaries looked like after all the PCOS talk and hearing about my AMH levels so we went into the ultrasound room. I don't know if I was more anxious and nervous Monday night before the appointment, or sitting on the ultrasound table waiting to hear what he had to say. As soon as he started the ultrasound, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "well you definitely don't have PCOS." Shocked? Relieved? Surprised? ALL of the above! He showed me my right ovary on the screen and sure enough, no cysts. He counted 5 eggs on that side, then told us that I hadn't ovulated on that side but we would check the left ovary. He moved to the left ovary and sure enough, I HAD OVULATED!! That isn't a big deal to many people, but after thinking I had PCOS for the last 9 months and didn't ovulate on my own ever, the man just told me I indeed ovulated. And the tears started flowing, again.
Overall, he said I had about 8 eggs. Good, right? yes and no. He said someone my age (almost 29), should have about 10-12 + eggs each month. Considering I only had 8, he said that means my ovaries are about 5-10 years older than my actual age. Basically, that I am about a 34 year old trying to get pregnant. Again, if you know much about getting pregnant and age, 30 is typically when things start to get a little more difficult. He said that if my AMH levels were really a .4, then I wouldn't have 8 eggs, instead I would only have about 2-4 eggs. Again, another relief. He did say however, that this means I don't want to waste a lot of time. He gave us a few different options and left it in our hands. We can either:
- try Femara and an injectable hormone together for a couple months (he didn't want to use Clomid again because I informed him that it had thinned my endometrial lining when I did)
- have a scope to see if I have endometriosis that is in the way
- IVF
Thank you to everyone who follows us on this journey, prays for us daily, and keeps us in your thoughts. If it weren't for my support system, my amazing husband, family, and friends, I don't know what I would do or how I would get through it all. I will keep my faith strong and continue to hope for this miracle.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1
Monday, September 9, 2013
All things through Christ
As I lay her in bed tonight, anxious as ever, I wonder what news I will be faced with tomorrow....
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13
- Will he give me answers tomorrow?
- Will he do bloodwork?
- Will he do another ultrasound?
- Is he going to confirm that my egg quality is low?
- Is he going to say it can't be fixed?
- Is he going to tell me I need a donor egg?
- Is he going to tell me my best or only chance to get pregnant is with IVF?
- Can I afford IVF?
- How will I pay for it?
- Will it even work?
- Or will he tell me I won't be able to have children?
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13
It is the Lord who goes before you. He
will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be
dismayed. -Deuteronomy 31:8
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
More Bad News
Skipping forward from April through August, I continued to take femara and clomid combined, did acupuncture weekly, continued to take herbal supplements and did our 5th IUI. In addition, we added about 15 new vitamins to our diet in July-August.... yes, I said 15. I read where I should take individual vitamins rather than a multivitamin because the dosage for each is higher.
We also cut out all caffeine, coffee, tea, sodas, alcohol, ect. I drink strictly water. blah! After having no luck mid August, I requested to have my egg quality checked. Why this was never done to begin with, I have NO idea. Shocking, I know! I got a phone call on Tuesday of this week from my current Dr. informing me that the results came back and my egg quality is low. Good egg quality is about a 1 and mine was at a .4. I didn't know what to say. A part of me knew that something else would come between us and getting our little miracle, but the other part wanted to believe that I would catch a break, just once! Anyways, life goes on... does it do me any good to be mad at the Dr for not doing all the things I specifically had to ask for? no. Does it do me any good to dwell on the fact that I now wasted another 8 months trying for our miracle, now knowing my egg quality? no. All I can do is put my best foot forward and move on. I have had several recommendations for Dr. Le in Irving/Las Colinas, so I set an appointment for Tuesday at 11:15.
I will keep my faith, I will continue to pray, I will not give up!
But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded- 2 Chronicles 15:7
We also cut out all caffeine, coffee, tea, sodas, alcohol, ect. I drink strictly water. blah! After having no luck mid August, I requested to have my egg quality checked. Why this was never done to begin with, I have NO idea. Shocking, I know! I got a phone call on Tuesday of this week from my current Dr. informing me that the results came back and my egg quality is low. Good egg quality is about a 1 and mine was at a .4. I didn't know what to say. A part of me knew that something else would come between us and getting our little miracle, but the other part wanted to believe that I would catch a break, just once! Anyways, life goes on... does it do me any good to be mad at the Dr for not doing all the things I specifically had to ask for? no. Does it do me any good to dwell on the fact that I now wasted another 8 months trying for our miracle, now knowing my egg quality? no. All I can do is put my best foot forward and move on. I have had several recommendations for Dr. Le in Irving/Las Colinas, so I set an appointment for Tuesday at 11:15.
I will keep my faith, I will continue to pray, I will not give up!
But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded- 2 Chronicles 15:7
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